The Burdens We Carry
by SephrinaRose
Summary: "Hey Eren, can you see it?". Armin finally sees the ocean, feels it between his toes...but it doesn't feel right. Humanity is free, but he is not. He still carries his burdens, folded up all neat inside him. And its time to let them go...time to say goodbye. Sequel to Coming Home, can be read as stand alone.


Heya peeps.

This is rather traumatic if I say so myself.

**Warning: Dark themes, death, dying etc. Please don't read if this is where your thoughts sometimes lie. **

This is probably my proudest non-OCC ever. I kinda like how Armin turned out.

Enjoy~

* * *

"Hey Eren, can you see it?" Armin asked.

Today marked the day that they officially ended the titans. The day humanity was freed.

It marked new beginnings, new life. Anything was possible. No longer where they cooped up like birds in a cage, fighting for scraps and surviving day by day. After a hundred years of oppression, they had finally done it.

It was finally over.

Armin stumbled onto the sand, the blood dripping from his Scouting Legion uniform. It fell into the sand, and the creamy particles swallowed it whole, disappearing beneath the surface as it absorbed the blood.

"Don't make that face Eren, it's not all mine." He said with a pout.

He dropped his 3DM gear to the ground, broken and useless, its purpose now fulfilled. It was strangely nostalgic. Even though their years of training and fighting had been full of blood and death, he still remember the good times.

If they could be called that.

The 3DM gear was a part of his life. It was the constant weight he carried for the last 7 years of his life. It felt weird to have no more use for it.

It was something he had depended on. It's function dictated wether he lived or died.

And here he was, throwing it away.

It didn't feel right. But nothing in this world ever felt right. It was all just overcast. The only time they even won anything, was when it was at the cost of so many lives. There could never be a proper victory. People always died. There was no triumph without mourning.

Until today.

People died. So many.

But they won. They actually won.

There would no longer be any cause for bloodshed. No hundreds of young souls to be torn from life.

Because that was what the military was. Hell, a whole squad had died on the first day on the job.

They were all young teens. All with a light in their eyes, a hope for tomorrow. And that was what they fought for. What they died for. All so humanity could be finally free.

And here they were.

Free.

But was it really worth it? All these lives that they saved...half of them didn't deserve it. Sure, there were families. Mothers, Fathers, Children.

But there were lazy business men, corrupt soldiers, evil royalty.

The people that didn't sacrifice anything were now freed. All the greedy people that sapped the life from others. Just so they would be safe and away from all the titan scum.

And those who died everyday to make sure they didn't get to them.

But it was all over now. No more death, no more sacrifice. The greedy bastards could live halfway across the world, far away from him.

It was not his concern.

"Hey Eren, Let's have a swim." he said, taking off his boots and throwing them at the 3DM gear. Forming a pile of things he no longer needed. He fixed the straps around the bottoms of his feet, before he began walking down the pristine sand and towards the sunset.

"It really is breathtaking, isn't it?" He asked rather rhetorically. "This has been our dream, for so many years...and here it is."

The white beach stretched out before him, before disappearing into pristine blue sea water. The sunset expanded across the sky, colours of orange, pink and even purple expanding across the usual blue.

Armin walked out to the edge of the water, feeling it between his toes. Smiling, he moved further in. The blood came out of his clothing, dissipating in the water behind him as he walked. He got to his waist, letting his palms rest on the surface.

"Hey, It really is true. Salt water is more buoyant than normal water!" He said with glee, finally finding out something he had wanted to know his whole life.

Even if he only was Seventeen.

But he was still two years older than Eren was.

Captain Levi had never been the same. Armin had often caught him looking into the sunset, a dejected expression on his usually expressionless face.

He had lost his whole squad in the forest that day. And that was bound to change a man. Even one as strong as him. Not many people noticed his change, but Erwin did. So did Hanji and Mikasa.

Although Mikasa stopped socialising with him after that. Like she suddenly turned around and decided she didn't like him or anything he stood for.

Armin didn't know why. Levi had rather noble morals, and was a decent person once you looked past first impressions.

Eren stopped talking for a bit after that. Armin had asked him what was wrong, but he always shook him off. But, eventually he began talking to Armin again. But to no one else. Everyone ignored him and he didn't give them the time of day.

He didn't respond much when they talked. Armin thought he had PTSD. Hell, Armin himself probably had it.

Who didn't in this day and age?

But he didn't mind. People dealt with pain in their own way.

Still, he wished that Eren would talk to Mikasa. He had refused, so he asked Mikasa. Mikasa didn't say a word to his request, only looking at him with this sorrowful look in her eyes.

Their trio was broken.

But war broke things. Broke lives, relationships, houses, buildings...everything.

So it was no surprise that they weren't spared.

But...Armin sometimes caught himself wishing that they were children again. And titans were just a distant threat which they would never meet in their lifetime.

They were free now...but he would rather be imprisoned with his friends than to be out here, with so much space and no one to share it with.

He liked being free...but he didn't know if it was worth it.

Everything would change now...and he kinda didn't want it to. While it was a good, spectacular change...he didn't really like it.

His life would be different now. He couldn't survive off the memories of his friends anymore.

...he would have to set himself free.

* * *

So here he was, slowly letting his much loved burdens flow from him, setting them free.

It was about time.

But he didn't want to say goodbye. It seemed to final. He wasn't ready. But he had to. Humanity was free from the walls, and so he would have to free the memories from inside him.

It was time to say goodbye.

But he loved his burdens. Others shouldered them, but he cherished them. He kept them in line, only coming to mind when he wanted them to. It was all organised, all set out. He'd spent years adding more and making space. Shoving back the old and adding the new. He had many regrets, and many more burdens.

So he gathered them all, folded them up nice and tight. Put them in a corner, and only took them out when he wanted to be reminded of the good or bad times.

It kept him sane. Kept him human.

They all had ways of coping. Armin's was just a little different. He knew some people thought he was insane. That he had lost his mind.

But it was the reason he stayed sane.

In his opinion, he was the sanest of them all. His life was structured.

Other tried to hide from their burdens, to run away or drown them in alcohol. But Armin accepted them as part of him; building his life around them.

So, he thought himself to be more sane than the rest.

But now it was time to let go.

There was no more sense to carry his burdens anymore. He had so much space to just set them free. Let them float away in the ocean or sink beneath the sand.

But there was one burden he wasn't sure he ever wanted to let go.

It was his biggest burden. But he didn't know if he could let it go. It was so deep inside him, festering in his soul. If he brought it out, he may just die from the pain it brought.

He knew he never experienced the full pain he knew this burden had. He shoved it away into his neat file, buried beneath many others so he would never have to deal with the full extent of its pain.

So when he took it out...he would have to experience that pain. And more. He would have to live with that pain. Come to terms with it...

Then let it go.

Sure, he had felt that particular type of pain before. He felt it first when is Grandpa died. Then when all those young souls died. Again and again.

But he knew this pain would be a million times worse than those.

So he didn't want to remove it. He would be quite happy to leave it there.

But when he released his other burdens...it would come to the surface, and he would have to deal with it anyway.

He knew he would never be the same once he finished. His whole structure for living would come apart and he would have to find something else, anything else...to live for.

He lived for this moment. For Eren and himself to see the ocean. And it was right in front of him – _them_ – and it was beautiful.

For Eren this moment was not just because he was seeing the ocean, it was what seeing the ocean meant. Because it meant that they were free.

Armin felt bad for disliking the fact that they were free. But, Eren didn't understand how lonely it would be out here.

Because he never saw it.

.

Armin felt his burdens flow from him, preparing himself for the big one. He let them all go, watching them float away with the blood on his uniform.

His chest began feeling lighter, like he was becoming a balloon.

He didn't like it.

Everything that grounded him to this earth was leaving him, leaving him to float away with nothing left inside.

He didn't want to leave...but it might be okay. He could just float up into the sun, and he wouldn't have to worry about being alone any longer.

Because he could be with Eren.

Armin grasped his chest as his biggest regret came out with knives raised. All the others had left rather peacefully, but it felt like this one was tearing its way out. Tearing him up from the inside, destroying everything in its path.

He tried to breathe normally, his heart beating a million miles. He felt tears run down his cheeks, glistening in the sunset.

Because Eren was dead.

He died two years ago. He died in a forest in Captains Levi's arms. His body was burned, leaving nothing but ashes.

Armin could remember looking at the ashes. Looking at the tiny pile of dirt that was once his best friend. That it was a young boy with so much energy and love and strength...

That it was Eren.

Armin didn't remember crying though. He guessed he must have blanked out from the onslaught of emotional pain...before he shut it all away. Buried it deep.

But now it was back...

And he truly wanted to die.

* * *

Armin had wanted to die before. Majority of the soldiers did. They were just scared of dying, Armin included. But dying meant that there would be no more walls, no more titans.

They had that now. They had what death would have brought them.

But it didn't matter to them...they were all dead anyway.

Now everyone was equal.

Except Armin. He wanted to die _now_. This pain was far too intense...and the only way he could let it out was through his tears.

Armin hated crying. All he did was cry. But now it was his only release.

His only way to reach Oblivion.

So he stood in the ocean, waves gently lapping at his sides as he mourned. He mourned everything he had lost. He mourned his parents, his grandpa, his friends...his Eren.

He cried until he couldn't, just dry sobs that did nothing for him.

But slowly, long after the sun had set...did it stop.

It stopped suddenly. Armin just stood, shocked and heartsick as he no longer needed to cry. He stood there, a broken boy held together by skin and bones.

He began walking out into the last light, walking towards the disappearing sun.

He was up to his shoulders in the dark water, watching expressionlessly as the light disappeared from the sky.

He didn't take a deep breath, didn't prepare himself.

He just went to his knees beneath the surface, exhaling forcefully and sinking to the ocean floor. He didn't scream, didn't cry as his lungs burned. It was barely a comparison to the emotional pain he felt.

He was spent. He was broken.

He was gone.

And so the last solider fell. Fell to the bottom of the ocean, sinking beneath the sand.

He fell...tumbling though the abyss. No light, no love, no pain, no sound.

And into the arms of everyone he loved. Cradling him, accepting him.

Because he had finally made it home.

* * *

So yeah.

Came to my mind because Armin is the narrator of SnK. And someone on Tumblr had the head cannon of him being the only one left. Kinda tied in with **Coming Home** but also on its own.

Hope you enjoyed...let me what you thought and how I could improve.

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


End file.
